Skip to main content

We know every expectation you had of Durham, before reality crushed them all (The Tab Durham)

Picture the scene. Four months ago. You’ve got your offer, your car is all packed up for the long drive north, and all you can picture is wandering along our quaint cobbled streets, mingling with the intellectual elite and maybe even joining the ranks of our distinguished alumni.
Of course, there may have been a few rumours that you heard about us. Now you’re well into your second term, you should have a pretty good idea about what is, in Durham, officially fake news.
Just in case you’re still struggling to distinguish between your actual and alternative facts, here is our handy guide to Durham expectations versus reality.

Expectation: You will live in a castle

Image may contain: Ruins, Vase, Pottery, Potted Plant, Plant, Jar, Flora, Castle, Building, Architecture
The dream….
Reality: Yes, we do have a castle. And there are a few lucky students who get to call it home. But actually, even the majority of Castle members don’t live within these hallowed halls but instead in rather more average lodgings.
In all honesty you will more likely be living in a grey sixties block with questionable heating standards and maybe even a view of a building site if you’re really lucky. But hey, it’s not all bad. The super thick castle walls would probably wreak havoc with your Wi-Fi connection.

Expectation: Everybody is from the Home Counties

Image may contain: Map, Diagram
Reality: Admittedly this one does have a kernel of truth in it. Sometimes it seems as if the whole of Surrey has upped sticks and decided to swap their Pret panini for a classic Greggs sausage roll.
But for all you hardcore Northerners rest assured, there will always be the faithful few ready to mock their long vowels and inform the rest of Durham that actually it’s not cold outside. In fact, this is just summer in the North.

Expectation: Doxbridge is a thing

Stop trying to make Doxbridge happen. It's not going to happen
Reality: We may have colleges, formals, and possibly even think we’re just a cut above the average university experience. But trying to push the whole ‘it’s practically Oxbridge’ philosophy will get you nowhere and will only remind everyone how much you’re still hurting over your rejection letter. I mean we all feel you, we’ve just gotten better at numbing the pain and consoling ourselves at an SNK (Sunday night Klute). Speaking of which…

Expectation: Klute is the worst nightclub in Europe

See? A truly wholesome night
Reality: Technically Klute was only bestowed with this honourable title by default after the original worst nightclub in Europe burnt down (or so goes the rumour). And they certainly like to laud it over the rest of us.
However, aside from the sticky floors and the unapologetic cheese of their playlists there isn’t a lot of bad stuff to be said about them that isn’t also applicable to practically every other nightclub in Durham. In fact, they’ve even had a bit of a makeover recently. So go on, grab your Woodgate and turn up “Cotton Eye Joe”…

Expectation: 70% of people meet their future life partner at Durham

Reality: I’ve heard various different figures relating to this phrase banded about over the years and while it may excite visions of finding ‘The One’ during Fresher’s Week, the average Durham student can in reality more often be found swiping left on Tinder or roaming the dancefloor hungrily at 1:46am on a Lloyds Wednesday.
For those of you who are hopeless romantics, Durham is actually listed as one of the universities with the most success rate regarding relationships, although the real number is nearer 25% mark.
So while there is a chance of finding true love across your lecture hall, those flirty exchanges with your library 'friend' will most likely amount to nothing. Sigh.

Expectation: Durham is the Hollywood of the North East

This happened literally once
Reality: Some scenes of “Harry Potter” were filmed at the cathedral, and the Avengers briefly came to town and got a few pictures with a handful of people.
That’s pretty much it on the excitement front. So unless Chris Hemsworth is jacking in VIP for the Viaduct, your chances of an A-List encounter are about as likely as a calorie free Urban Oven. Sorry about that.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Is Progress on Diversity Heading in the Right Direction? (Pi Media)

Giving you the insight into matters directly related to student life is the Pi Comment column, Spotlight: UCL, Universities and Young People, where our team of columnists tackle the issues affecting students today. Cathy Mayer-Funnel contends with the increasingly hostile environment in the UK towards minority groups and how this is playing out in the university context. Looking around the UCL campus, one of the things that I have found most striking is the diversity embodied by our students. As someone who did their undergrad in a small city often defined by its population of predominantly white middle-class students from the Home Counties, it is somewhat refreshing to be in a seminar of only six students in which three different continents are represented. In the 2018-19 academic year there are 9,385 UK domiciled and 12, 865 non-UK domiciled  non-white  students at UCL, a significant proportion of the student body of 42,106 , while the  Equality, Diversity and...
Post a Comment
Read more

Am I an unfriendly neighbour?

Last weekend I was waiting for a bus to take me to a doctor's appointment on my local street in North London. It was set to be the hottest day of the year so far and in preparation for this I was wearing a cropped top and shorts with flip flops (this may be an irrelevant detail but it might later enable you to understand perhaps why I was feeling a little more exposed than usual). There was one other person at the bus stop - a man of unspecified age but certainly a fair bit older than me. After some minutes had passed he told me he had been waiting a while and wasn't sure if the bus was coming. I had headphones in, which I like to think automatically give off an air of I do-not-want-to-be-disturbed ness, but I also didn't want to be completely rude so I said I would look it up on my phone and reassured him that the bus was on its way. What followed next is what troubled me. Before I launch into a potential character assassination I just want to say I have no idea if this ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Top 20 guide to Norwich for students - Eastern Daily Press (written with Ella Wilkinson)

Perfectly situated between coast and countryside, Norwich offers an abundance of affordable yet stylish options for students. From vintage shopping to quirky bars and eateries there is always something new to be discovered. 1. Norwich Lanes For a relatively small city Norwich has some pretty amazing shopping. Practically all the major brands have shops here, as well as two sizeable shopping malls in the form of Castle Mall and Chapelfield. But for those looking for something a bit more alternative, Norwich Lanes is a haven of independent retailers, restaurants and culture located right in the city centre. Clothes, shoes, home ware, jewellers, even a DIY store can all be found here. 2. Cinema City, 27 St Andrews Street Technically this little gem is part of Norwich Lanes, but it is certainly deserving of its own special mention. Showing Hollywood blockbusters alongside opera and theatre screenings, Cinema City provides a cosier and more unique experience than big screen giant...
Post a Comment
Read more